Not OK? — the advice column
Write to me. I'll tell you the truth, kindly.
Young women send in their stories and questions. Sandra answers with options, knowledge, and the kind of wisdom you'd get at an elder's kitchen table. You don't have to be OK to start here.
OK was never a question with only two answers. Wherever you are is a real place to begin your letter.
The Column
Every story starts the same way: OK Sandra... Here are the letters she answered this month.
— Quietly Fading, 26
Sandra says
Baby, losing yourself never happens in one loud moment. It happens in the small yeses you didn't mean. Let's start by naming the last three.
Read the full reply— The Bad Guy Now, 31
Sandra says
Their discomfort is not evidence that you were wrong. It's evidence that the old arrangement was working for them.
Read the full reply— Her Youngest, 34
Sandra says
Read one page. Not the book. One page, in the daylight, with tea. Grief negotiates better in small rooms.
Read the full reply— Second-Guessing Myself, 22
Sandra says
If you have to keep asking whether you're allowed to feel it, you already know something. Let's look at the pattern, not the incident.
Read the full replyWrite to Sandra
Sometimes you need advice. Sometimes you need information. Sometimes you just need girl talk. Write it however it comes out — no one is grading you.
Letters may be published anonymously with your reply so another young woman can read it and recognize herself.
The Reading Shelf
Starting Over
Money, paperwork, and one person who answers the phone at 2 a.m.
Wellness
How to tell exhaustion from something your body is trying to say.
Faith
You are allowed to come to it honest. That's the whole point.
Money
What financial independence actually looks like on a small budget.
Young Women
The exact words, so you don't have to find them yourself.
Safety
Practical steps to keep your notes, and yourself, private.
O is for Options. K is for Knowledge. Within safety and survivor programming, SANDRA stands for Safety and Navigation During Risk & Abuse.
About Sandra
OK SANDRA carries forward the memory of Sandra K. Brooks — the woman who listened first and told the truth second. Purple was her color. Silver was her shine. Her memorial home, RememberingSandraK.com, connects visitors here.
Know yourself. Know your patterns. Know your options. Know what you need.
Sunday Letters
A quiet weekly note with the letter of the week, Sandra's reply, and one practical next step you can actually take.
Not OK?
You don't have to be OK to start here.